Notes from today’s podcast:
Introduction:
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One of the most common challenges clients often voice is finding “good” men. However, the real question isn’t necessarily “Where are they?” but rather “How do we identify the ‘right’ guy?” In this blog post, we’ll help you recognize the qualities that make a man worthy of your time and affection.
In Defense of Guys:
Before we embark on this journey, it’s essential to acknowledge that societal and upbringing factors often send mixed and, at times, negative messages about masculinity. Guys aren’t always raised to be inherently relationship-oriented. Instead, they may develop traits associated with independence, a lone-wolf mentality, competitiveness, and an inclination to hide their feelings, all under the shadow of toxic masculinity.
Time to Separate the Men from the Boys:
To navigate the dating world effectively, it’s crucial to distinguish between boys and men. Here’s how you can differentiate the two:
#1. Self-Oriented vs. Relationship-Oriented:
–Boy: Selfish, focused on himself, and often acts as a taker.
–Man: Focused on others, empathetic, understanding, and a giver.
#2. Compliments and Intentions:
–Boy: Compliments a woman to gain something from her, often driven by personal desires.
–Man: Compliments a woman genuinely, dating with kindness and authenticity, without worrying about his needs.
#3. Display of Resources:
–Boy: Flaunts his resources and accomplishments, often showing off.
–Man: Understated and confident in his character, understanding that quality counts more than flashy displays.
#4. Emotional Intelligence:
–Boy: Avoids emotions and views them as “girl stuff,” maintaining emotional walls.
–Man: In touch with his emotions, values them, understands and shares them openly, and possesses high emotional intelligence.
#5. Vulnerability:
–Boy: Struggles with his masculinity, often attempting to appear tough and infallible.
–Man: Comfortable with vulnerability, open about his feelings, and willing to show weakness.
#6. Commitment and Reliability:
–Boy: Makes promises he can’t keep and tends to be flaky.
–Man: Honors his word, follows through on commitments, and values reliability.
#7. Conflict Resolution:
–Boy: Always seeks to be right and avoids taking responsibility for his actions.
–Man: Acknowledges mistakes, takes responsibility and works towards modifying his behavior.
#8. Relationship Dynamics:
–Boy: Competes with his partner, needing to feel superior.
–Man: Views his partner as an equal and embraces a partnership that conquers challenges together.
#9. Jealousy and Control:
–Boy: Exhibits jealousy, insecurity, and a need for control, sometimes isolating his partner.
–Man: Possesses self-confidence and trust in his partner and encourages her to maintain her social connections.
#10. Attitude Towards Intelligence and Success:
-Boy: Intimidated by an intelligent, successful woman needing to be the star.
-Man: Stimulated by her; seeks someone better to learn from and grow together, fostering synergy.
Before You Judge:
While these distinctions may appear straightforward, it’s essential to recognize that boys can sometimes be appealing, too. They can be attractive, charming, and charismatic, putting on an excellent act, albeit temporarily. Boys can be skilled at flattery, making you feel beautiful and special.
The Search for a Man:
It’s important to remember that true men do exist. The key lies in knowledge, patience, and discipline. Armed with an understanding of what to look for, you can navigate the dating world with confidence and clarity.
Wrap Up:
In your pursuit of a fulfilling relationship, aim for more than just any guy—aim for a man. Seek someone emotionally available, comfortable in their own skin (as opposed to false confidence), honest, open, trusting, and views the relationship as a genuine partnership between equals. With the right knowledge and discernment, you’ll be well on your way to finding the right partner.
