3 Transformative Steps for Getting Over Your Ex

Notes from the Podcast:

Breaking up can feel like an end to your world as you know it. Everything around you – from the music you hear to the shows you watch – reminds you of your ex. It’s a challenge even to recognize who you are without them. But what if there’s a better way to heal and move on?

The Trap of Bad Love Advice

Often, well-meaning friends and family offer advice like “just move on” or suggest jumping back into dating. However, rebound relationships are rarely helpful and can be unfair to the new partner. Instead, let’s explore some science-based strategies that focus on trying differently, not just trying harder.

#1. Reflect & Recognize: Understanding What Went Wrong

Instead of focusing on specific qualities of your ex – whether good or bad – shift your focus to the relationship dynamics. How did you interact? Did you feel respected, supported, and communicated with? Remember, the early stages of a relationship are often misleading. Focus on the more recent, realistic aspects instead of clinging to the ‘best’ moments.

#2. Give Yourself the Gift of Closure

Waiting for closure from your ex is often futile. If they’re unresponsive or sporadically in touch, it’s a sign that they’re not as invested. To help yourself:

• Write a letter to your ex, but don’t send it.
• Write a letter to yourself from their perspective.
• Make a bulleted list of why the relationship didn’t work.
• Note what you need differently in your next relationship.

These exercises provide catharsis and clarity, helping you understand that the closure you seek is already within you.

#3. Done is Done: The Art of Letting Go

Avoid social media stalking, as research shows it prolongs pain. Don’t settle for a ‘just friends’ relationship if it’s not mutually beneficial. Remember, returning to an ex often leads to repeating the same issues.

The 21-Day Heart Detox:

Research suggests it takes 66 days to form a new habit. Start with a 21-day detox from your ex. Use this time to focus on creating the life you want for yourself.