When Pam first joined Christian Connection she had just one goal: “I was actually looking for friends at the time. I was newly saved.. and I was looking to change my friendship circle around to find more likeminded people. I came across Christian Connection…” And, soon after joining, she spotted James’s profile! Now her story is one of a changed life: “I wanted a friend now I’ve got a husband and a child and everything else included.”
James had been a Christian Connection member for some time, and had worked on creating a strong profile: “I’d been on previous dating websites, and they weren’t as detailed. So I definitely used a lot of the space that was given.” He wanted to make sure anyone reading it would get to know him before they made contact.
James and Pam
“I wanted to kind of be quirky, funny, relaxed,” he says, “And I must have put something like ‘Jollof rice for breakfast’. And that’s kind of like me, tongue in cheek sort of stuff. So that was really important for me…. so that when the person whoever did me to get to know me, it’s like, they can look at it and be like, ‘Oh, yeah, I can actually see you really are like your profile.’”
This impressed Pam. “His page was just the whole essay, which worked out in the end. After I read it, I think he gave me a better sense of who he was what his personality was like…that’s the reason why I messaged him to begin with.”
“I could sense his personality through it, I can tell that he was quite funny, quite laid back, I’m quite a laid back person as well. So you just [seemed] quite laid back, quite jokey as well. But at the same time, quite confident and assertive in his in who he is, and who he was at the time… he had that all on display. That point is when I decided to send him a message, because I thought we’d probably get on quite well.”
James, however, wasn’t as impressed by Pam’s profile! “There wasn’t much to notice! Pam’s profile was quite bare, honestly… So there wasn’t really much to give in terms of get an idea of a personality through the profile. And her pictures… It wasn’t that she didn’t look nice on the eye. But when I saw her in person, I was like, ‘Wow, wow, your pictures really don’t do justice.’”
Watch their story in full – including James’s magical proposal – here:
The first date
After messaging and chatting for some time, they decided to meet and James planned the date.
James and Pam on a date
“I planned this whole day for us. We met in London. We had a lunch date. And then we took a little walk. That was actually when we we first held hands… The day was really good. A random lady came up to us. And she was just watching us from from afar. She came over and she was like, ‘oh, oh, just be watching you guys. You guys look so cute together…. have you guys been which each other for a long time?’ And we was like ‘no it’s our first date’. And then yeah, and then we took a long, long extended bus ride back home to my area. And then we round off the day with Krispy Kremes.”
Pam was impressed by James once again! “It was really lovely. I felt it was really well planned out, very thought out, very thoughtful. He knew I liked art, so he included the Tate Modern in there. And I thought it was a really, really lovely date. And I just thought he was just a really nice guy, I thought was really, really nice. And I think, yeah, the Krispy Kreme and the hot chocolate at the end just confirmed everything for me.”
The relationship develops
James and Pam
James and Pam got to know each other and found lots of common ground and much to appreciate about each other. Pam says, “The defining moment… He came down to where I lived for that weekend and I think just how he just treated me how he spoke to me…. that really confirmed everything for me. He’s very different. And he will be a good lifetime partner to me.”
James says, “I think we invested so much of just our heart, like talking to each other, exploring so many things…. we both actually had a list that we didn’t know about, that we didn’t know about for a while. That we’ve written about what we wanted God to have for our partners, and she’s really ticked off all the boxes and more… I knew it quite early on, that, you know, this is someone I want to spend my life with.”
Pam says, “I always say that I knew I wanted to be with him even before I met him physically, because I already knew his mind and his mindset and always talked him about how I fell in love with his mind first…. even though we’ve been married for coming up to five years and been together for seven years, like communication is still one of the I think greatest values and things that we have in our relationship we still talk all the time.”
The proposal
When James started to plan a proposal to remember, he didn’t leave anything to chance.
James proposes to Pam – and she says yes!
“The actual plan was was we were to meet at the place where we had our first date…. that’s where we I wanted to her to meet me and I was waiting there. I had like a bouquet of flowers and I laid out some candles in the former like a trail coming down. It took her a while to actually come there…. she comes to the front of the gate and she’s seen the candle but she’s not registering what’s going on. And she’s standing there for what seemed like eternity and I’m just standing there like and then the next minute she realises what’s going on and she’s sprints down.”
Pam says, “It did take me a while to realise what was going on. I remember looking at the lights on the floor: ‘Oh, this is lovely. What’s going on here?’ I kept looking at it I saw a heart shape on the floor and then I saw this man I was like: ‘Wait, I know who that is!’”
James remembers being overcome, “I had the speech planned. But to be honest, once I saw that she was looking so nice. I just looked in her eyes and I guess my heart just went just fluttered away and all my words just suddenly just went… I just don’t know. Couldn’t couldn’t get my words out. And I think I just sort of said just ‘Would you marry me?’”
Pam laughs, “Yeah, he may say he had a whole speech planned but it couldn’t quite come out on on the day. But it was really good. To be fair, I don’t think anything would have went in anyway, if you said a speech. I was just so excited I don’t think I would have remembered half those things you would have said…. I think I said yes straightaway.”
The wedding and life since
“It was such a wholesome time, ” says James, of their wedding, who remembers “grinning, smiling all the time”. Pam says, “I think what was really lovely as well, for me was seeing how much our friends celebrated our union. And even hearing what people said after the wedding, like ‘oh my gosh your relationship made me want to reconnect with God’ or ‘It made me believe in love’.”
James and Pam on their wedding day
James adds, “And that was something that we even prayed for, in regards to our relationship, because we wanted it to be not just a thing for just us. Obviously, us is important, but we wanted it to also just be a reflection of God’s love and for other people to be able to benefit from that as well.”
Now, James and Pam are enjoying life with their young son. Pam says, “We’re just being parents, learning that process of what parenting is. Seeing him as a dad is quite funny some days. I’m sure he has the same comment to make about me. It’s just been very lovely. I’m so fortunate that God partnered us together…. we complement each other so well.
“At the same time, we’re growing individually and developing in our own ways. And having somebody who’s rooting for you, supporting you watching you grow, through the praises, the good, the bad, the ugly, but still being there…. being really good friends and teasing each other and mocking each other and just having somebody there for a lifetime to go through those, you know, life just life with. It’s been very lovely.”
Advice for single Christians
James and Pam and their son enjoying family life
Finally, James passes on something he learned that he thinks will benefit single Christians today: “One of the most important things I think I learned when going on that journey of meeting Pam was: find a way to find healing first in any areas. So past relationships, emotional traumas, that sort of stuff. Whether it’s seeking out therapists or seeking out counsel from a spiritual leader, whichever way.” And, he adds, “the second thing is really tried to be as authentic as you can be yourself…. Nobody wants to date a copycat.”
Congratulations, James and Pam!
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