While it’s only natural to over-think our romantic lives and tie ourselves in knots, the fact is that the purpose of a first date is quite simple: to find out if we want a second date with that person. So, what signs and signals should we look out for before deciding whether to meet again? What could we recognise as first date green flags?
I’d like to offer five first date green flags that suggest a second date would be a good idea. Before I do that, however, an important caveat: Many of us struggle on first dates, with nerves, awkwardness, and expectations. We want to put our best foot forwards, but we may not show up as our best selves.
So, take note of the green flags and, at the same time, keep an open heart and mind. Stay tuned in to your intuition and refrain from swift judgement or knee-jerk reactions. Remember that the person who is sitting opposite you or who’s walking by your side on a first date is human too.
Now, on to the positive signs:
Your date shows up early or on time
Showing up on time is a sign of respect and mutual respect is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. If your date is waiting for you when you show up or arrives on time, this suggests that they value your time and that the meeting is important to them. We don’t want to dismiss people outright if they have a credible reason for being delayed. This would be overly rigid. But we do want to keep an eye out for flaky, unreliable or dishonest behaviour.
Your date demonstrates a healthy curiosity towards you
We have all been in the company of people who talk incessantly about themselves and fail to ask us any questions. We feel unseen, invisible, and disrespected. Ideally, your date will be curious about you and your life, just as you will be about them, and conversation will flow easily between you, without one party dominating the chat.
Remember, we’re looking for a healthy curiosity. We don’t want to feel like we’re at a job interview or under interrogation.
Your date respects your boundaries
Whether you want to refrain from drinking alcohol, stop after one glass of wine, go home early, or maintain a physical distance, you have a right to set boundaries and to protect your personal space. A healthy person will respect your boundaries. They won’t push against them or try to convince you to drop them. It’s also important that you hold your boundaries and don’t send mixed signals, so take some time to decide before you go on a date what time you want to leave, how much you want to drink and how close you’d like to get.
You feel comfortable in your date’s presence
You feel safe and secure when on your date, rather than unsure, unsafe or edgy. You feel that you can show up as your authentic self. You feel able to say what’s on your heart, to speak your truth and to share your opinions without fear of judgement. Even if your date disagrees with your opinions, they do so respectfully. You are both willing to see the other’s perspective and can agree to disagree without conflict.
Your date communicates clearly
Either in person towards the end of the meeting or afterwards via messaging, your date communicates clearly with you, just as you do with them. They say they want to see you again and suggest some future dates or they end things politely. Look out for confusing signals or mixed messages and have the courage to communicate clearly yourself. This will save everyone time and heartache. Nobody likes to disappoint people, but the disappointment will be greater if we aren’t truthful at the outset.
Along with these first date green flags, many of us want to feel a physical attraction on our date. This would be wonderful but while healthy chemistry is great, an intense spark can signal an unhealthy connection that may be rooted in deep emotional wounds. That’s why it’s important to be discerning, to proceed slowly, to ask others for support, and to try to discern God’s will for you through prayer and through speaking to people you trust.
On the other hand, an attraction can grow. So, after a date, ask yourself if you enjoyed yourself, if you felt safe, respected, accepted, and able to be your authentic self, and if you’re curious to find out more about the person.
If that’s the case, try a second date, the purpose of which, of course, is to decide if you want a third date.
What are your first date green flags?
Enjoyed reading ‘First date green flags: 5 signs your first date deserves a second date’? You can read more helpful posts on first dates here, and check out our collection of date idea posts here.
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