Notes from the podcast:
“Ghosting”. The term itself carries an eerie feeling of being left in the dark, unsure of what went wrong. It’s the dating equivalent of a hit-and-run, leaving you with questions and confusion.
Client Story:
Meet Joan (name changed for privacy). For seven exhilarating months, she was dating Dave (name kept because, well, let’s not shield him). Their connection? Instantaneous. Their chemistry? Explosive. Yet, on their four-month anniversary, Joan found herself alone at a bar after Dave failed to show up. Despite their seemingly perfect relationship, Dave ghosted her.
The Ghosting Tease:
The sudden silence after ghosting feels like a sucker punch. You’re left wondering, “What went wrong?” Was it something out of the blue, or were there subtle hints you missed? Could you have unknowingly set yourself up for this heartbreak?
Dispelling Ghosting Myths:
Before diving into the reasons, let’s clear up what’s NOT happening:
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-He hasn’t misplaced your number.
-His phone is perfectly fine.
-He isn’t too swamped to send a quick text.
-Overwhelming feelings of love aren’t scaring him away.
-And, unless you’ve heard otherwise, he hasn’t experienced a major life event.
The Emotional Aftermath of Ghosting:
The immediate reaction to being ghosted is often self-blame. Feelings of embarrassment, shame, and hurt cloud your judgment. It’s tempting to cast blame on all men or even swear off dating altogether. But solely blaming him or others keeps you powerless. While he may not be actively seeking relationship advice, you can take control of the aspects within your grasp.
3 Reasons Why Ghosting Keeps Happening:
#1. Sending Ambiguous Signals:
-Not expressing your feelings clearly.
-Holding back due to fear of being hurt.
-Playing “hard to get” can often backfire.
-He may doubt his ability to keep you interested.
Strategy: Be welcoming without chasing.
#2. Misaligned Enthusiasm:
-Coming on too strong or revealing too much too soon.
-Spending excessive time together or discussing the future prematurely.
-Wanting different things from the relationship.
Strategy: Respect boundaries and understand that sometimes, it’s better for someone to walk away early on, saving both from future heartaches.
#3. Complicated Dynamics:
-Being unpredictable or playing mind games.
-Carrying unresolved issues from past relationships.
-Excessive questioning or jealousy.
Strategy: Keep dating light and fun. Authenticity is key. If it’s not easy, maybe it’s not meant to be.
In Conclusion:
While ghosting can often be more about the ghoster than the ghosted, it’s essential to reflect on our behaviors in relationships. By understanding and controlling our actions, we can navigate the dating world with more confidence and less heartbreak. Remember, you deserve a relationship that’s transparent, respectful, and mutual. Don’t settle for anything less!
